lol <3 thanks for sharing. I def did it again. such a fool i am. and I love it. lol In honor of this new moon cycle I am attempting to shed and be painfully honest so…sorry. that apparently means leaving these comments here. you can always delete them so it doesn't matter.
I went through my old pics today to see what emotion came up when I looked at you. To see if I still trembled with pain and shame. lol I didn't! YAY! I felt great! You were gorgeous and amazing again and I realized that, because I was so afraid of losing you, I held so much of my emotion for you back. lol! So many times I wanted to kiss and hug you, but I looked away instead, or turned the camera back to me lol! I didn't want to overwhelm you, but it ended up happening anyway, so I should've just did wtf I wanted. #lessonlearned I was watching videos thinking, wow, I was suuuucchh a stupid chick. smh lol! I didn't know, and it's taken me this long to forgive myself for what I didn't know. You helped me learn that it's ok that I still love you because that's actually who I am. I love. Even when I think you're an enemy, I still love you. Even if you think I'm a stupid human black chic, I still love you.
so why did I even gaf about your approval or disapproval? I was so afraid that I didn't matter to you and I was just a stupid toy. Afraid that nothing actually matters to you and you're just in outer space looking down on everyone on earth even though you're here too. lol That you don't have a concept of love. Worried that you could not possibly understand how enormous my heart and love is, let alone return it lol! Afraid that you had no desire to cherish me the way I cherished you. Obviously I made a fool of myself. lol! Because at the end of the day, I still love you anyway. No point in being afraid that you were gonna do something that would cause me to love you less. Now I know you don't have that kind of power. lol Thank you for waking me up from my nightmare. I love you, but more importantly, I love myself so much more. <3 Sending you blessings for eternity. <3 again and again.
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